He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
