i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
