I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
