i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
