I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
