you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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