in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
