you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
