we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
