Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
