I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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