Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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