Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
