He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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