How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
