and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
