dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
