After last night, I could never be a politician.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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