The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
