omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize