Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize