You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
