I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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