We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
