Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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