I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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