I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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