I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
