every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
