I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
