I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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