She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
