Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
