I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
