Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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