Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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