Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
