and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
