All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
