i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
