What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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