my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
