I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
