I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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