there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize