If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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