Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
