don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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