the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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