dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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