Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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