He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
