i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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