Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
