yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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