my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wish my penis had a tongue
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
