i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
