I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
