you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
