that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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