We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
