I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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