the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
