you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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