Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
