I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize