There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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