Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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