Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
